on the 9th day of 2010..

**ehhe tatau nk letak title ape..

baca mingguan wanita tadi. a few interesting and useful articles had captured the attention. satu dr dr. tuah pasal 'amalan untuk memperoleh ketenangan' and another one dari suzana (maaf pgt, bukan suzanna tau ;) entitled 'berkawanlah dengan diari'

bukan bertujuan nak promosikan apa² atau siapa² tp, dua² artikel ni kebetulan datang selari dengan perjalanan hidup angah.

in short. utk ketenangan, amalkan al-ma'thurat. fahami segala maksud. kumpulan doa nabi saw. sape² yg nak al-ma'thurat for free.. do email me.. angah ade a few utk dihadiahkan.. :) insyaallah.. and harap boleh kita sama² beroleh ketenangan.

teringat pada my first diary. angah mula menulis diari sejak sekolah rendah lagi. diary tu angah tulis special untuk diri sendiri dgn perkataan dari abjad² yg dicipta sendiri. dengan harapan kalau jatuh diari tu ke tangan orang lain, orang tu takkan faham ape yg angah coretkan dalam tu. angah cuba hafal abjad² baru yg angah hasilkan sampailah angah dapat tulis dengan lancar skali dan dapat baca balik diari tu tanpa perlu rujuk pada notes yg angah buat awal² dulu.

sampailah kelalaian angah menjadi bencana pada diari tu. ntah macam mana mase tu angah balik kg, tinggalkan diari kat rumah. notes utk abjad² asing ciptaan angah tu lupa pulak angah pisahkan dr diari tu, maka along yang mase tu tak ikut balik, berjaya men'decode' coretan rahsia angah tu. malu dan marah, tuhan je yg tahu. terus angah ucapkan selamat tinggal pada diari tu. and lepas tu, lame jugak angah berhenti menulis.

ingt balik, sayang jugak kan, napelah angah bakar diari tu. klu tak sekarang da boleh ketawakan diri sendiri and selami balik cara angah lihat kehidupan dari sisi seorang angah yg berumur 11 tahun.

cuma yg angah dapat cari, diari angah ketika berumur 14 tahun. yup i had started having my 2nd diary in my 14. impressed :) and proud of having been myself.

there was this one boy once, asked me.. if i was given a chance, to what year or which part of life did i ever wish to go back to? i had never answer his question. but now only i have the answer, i dont wanna go back.. to any of them.. i had a wonderful life, wonderful people along the way.. i keep those in my heart and from them (life and people from the past) that i learn that there is so much i havent seen, havent been thru, havent met yet. and allah had it all planned for each of us. laughs and tears.

and the followings are taken from drafts from my desktop. the internet was very slow. so i decided to keep writing regardless the annoying connection. and this whole week mmg tak sempat langsung online. too busy with my new job.. :) i will post a few photos on my new job later ehhe..

December 26, 2009

Saturday

7:00 p.m.

I have just finished watching Tsunami, caught on camera on History Channel. During the play, (uhmm was it a play? :) my mind couldn’t stop telling me how lucky I am to be alive. Not because of surviving the real tsunami (that had never knocked on my life), but to be on path of life that I am living now.

Tsunami did hit me –it hit my heart, and had caused severe damage. But no one could ever see it because, let it hurt only me. It hurts, only to watch people telling their experiences of losing loved ones, of seeing people they know could not survive the impact, of having to go through the transition of happiness to grief in less than a day time. So let nobody that I love knows about this. They don’t deserve the pain.

Praise be to God. Alhamdulillah. At least I was not put on a same situation, which I had to face the reality that I have lost someone I love for good. Not yet. At least I would someday got the chance to see or maybe just to hear her/him on the phone so we could have a civilised farewell :(  -already did in my dream.. :) ya allah, sampaikan..)

9:00 p.m.

Have just done with cooking for dinner. Only I, two brothers and mother left at home tonight, enjoying game between Chelsea and Birmingham City. 0-0 still.

Apit was helping me with the veggies earlier in the kitchen. While I was busy with the stove, suddenly he cried “Angah help! Get me some water!” I turned to him and ‘smile’. His fingers were caught on the surface of the icy part of the refrigerator. “This is no kidding, quick! Get some water!”

What had happened to Apit reminds me of my favourite childhood tv program ‘911’. There was this one episode covered up a true story of a young boy who got his tongue stuck on the ice when he was alone with his one little sibling at home. It was so fortunate of him for having his company to dial 911 for him. He survived, with trauma of course. What on earth could possibly have told him to do things like that? We have ice-cream to buy from the mart, haven’t we?

December 27, 2009

Sunday

9:00 p.m.

Dark Knight is now showing on HBO. Its not like I am writing about the joker. Just to ‘cherish’ what is happening around for later ;)

Earlier this evening at 5.00, Tsunami caught on camera is shown again on 555. I know apau and ayah would love to watch this documentary as much as I do. so i watch again. now with them.

January 7, 2010

Thursday

11:00 p.m.

Love’s Abiding Joy.

A daughter could possibly break her father’s heart easily. Without realizing that she could do that in many ways.. It is just that, a father is a man. Seeing a man’s tear drops bothers me.. a lot. One of few things in life I wish not to see. i pray to god, let me not be one of them.. amiinnn...

Selamat Datang 2010/1431H

Tahun baru datang dengan semangat baru :) terima kasih. Buku baru. Sepanjang tempoh angah mengusahakan 'ladang anggur' yang tak sempat berbuah hasil, angah terpaksa dengan rela hati menghabiskan masa terluang dengan menonton tv. bukan sekadar menonton, angah juga belajar tentang bberapa perkara menarik utk dipraktikkan. ces, mudah terpengaruh ke angah ni?? ehhe harap² apa yg berjaya pengaruh angah tu adalah sesuatu yg tak mendatangkan mudarat.

mulai hari ni, angah nak letakkan diri lebih isolate :) kenapa ye?? uhmm mungkin terasa lebih bebas kot klu kurang publisiti tentang diri. nafas pn lebih panjang. lagi senang nk realisasikan niat angah tu sekarang sbb ade twitter. yg penting dan manfaat je boleh share (tp tu pun ikut pendekatan individu). lain² yg kurang penting angah letakkan di wayn. angah pilih wayn mengatasi yg lain sbb focus laman sosial ni dgn yg lain. bukan sekadar tambah kawan tapi lebih kepada fungsi travelog and environmental yg jadi focus.

since having network of friends agak pnting sekarang, we cant just refuse to having one.. tp kita ada pilihan untuk kawal pergerakan kita, supaya tak hanyut. tanye je adik² angah, betapa angah sgt suke membebel bile dorang terlalu attached dgn facebook masing². sakit mata ni. tak salah utk punya account facebook tp perlu ada kekuatan  dan kebijaksanaan utk mengawal dan mengurus masa.

baru² ni ade terpikir nak create another blog tuk betul² jadi tempat luahan 95% perasaan and make it a restricted one. it has actually taken me a couple of days to then decided not to have one. fyi, ai ni has written down tak lebih dari 50% of what i have deep inside. bile pikir balik. i just had to do minor adjustment. tak perlu ada banyak tempat untuk different emosi.. so now i decided to keep ai utk terus menulis tanpa lari dari tujuan asal.

kalau boleh angah nak share cerita² yg happy, inspiring, everytime.. tp reality hidup bukan macam tu, ada masa kita rasa macam dipijak², ada masa kita dijulang tinggi. regarless what we might have felt inside, harapnye rasionaliti masih dalam genggaman. dan selagi tak dapat genggam, berikan masa pada diri sendiri dan situasi.

dan lagi, atas sebab tu jugak, angah da remove akaun blogger angah dari yahoo! updates. supaya takdela semak akaun connection angah dgn updates terbaru daripada ai ni. as well as youtube and flickr. tinggal twitter updates je yg my connections boleh nampak. akaun² tu masih exist, cume da xde alerts to the connections. my account semua guna id irniesb. senang je nak cari.

lagi satu akaun yg angah sayang is multiply.. sbb sgt practical. senang nak share media kat situ. and sesape yg nk tgk, xyah sibuk² kene signup to multiply account utk tgk media² yg angah share. so, that is all. lepas ni mgkin akaun lain akan angah tutup. malas nak serabutkan kepala. yahoo! messenger? not my cup of tea anymore. something has unintentionally killed the interest. buat sementara, angah lg suke tweeting :) lets just mail or just call me. lets talk on the phone :) sms pn boleh.

mon dieu! sibuk cerita pasal transition yg da angah buat, lupe pulak pasal countdown malam td. as mentioned in my previous entry, once again, angah join the rest kat dataran merdeka. tp tanak amik risiko terperangkap dalam lautan manusia kami amik port kat depan bangunan persekutuan, dekat dgn dayabumi. sambil makan kacang rebus, tgk gelagat orang.. what a wonderful country we r living in. im so grateful for that. majmuk. i wish my next generation nanti will have the opportunity to enjoy the same. freedom. to celebrate new year together ng yg lain. cume ade segelintir anak muda yg masih tercari² identiti diri yg sedikit menyemakkan pandangan. yg lain? perasaan yg sangat hebat. sempat jugak angah amik video fireworks smlm smpi habis. will upload later on youtube. pastu cam bese, lepas je acara macam ni, cari port makan pulak. ehhe nasib baik jugak duduk kat pantai dalam. takyah gaduh nk cari maka. just name it :)

sampai jmpe lagi..

New Year's Eve

..thanks Michelle :) thanks everyone..

had to postponed the meeting until today. it was supposed to be on last tuesday before i had to reset the date. i didnt realize the new date was the new year's eve, sampailah semalam. sorry michelle. tak sengaja. but the meeting was great.

in a way i was feeling like, god is very close to me. even with strangers, i didnt feel unsecured. dia hantar macam² jenis orang utk show me few things yg mmg tgh dalam kepala sekarang ni. and we managed to talk about it as if we had ths plans on for quite a long time already.

michelle, for you guys to know. she is a very warm, friendly and has so much to share, everytime we meet. macam² cerita. dari hal beauty care, child's care, diet program, ways to earn extra money blablabla.. cuma cam biasa kita tolak citer pasal politik :) because she was actually 'taught' to talk to people :) funny kan?

even with christina earlier, we talked about how great god is. ops pls dont misjudge us. memang dia christian, and i am a muslim. but still, we have faith. as long as u have faith, miracles happen. and everything that happened to me lately.. they are miracles from god. he's always there for me, for those who believe in him. alhamdulillah.

--what a coincidence. she just called :) macam tau² je, she is now become the topic on ai ;)

and lepas ni pakcu ajak pi fireworks kat dataran. rase cam malas tp, after doing twice the thinking.. join gak la dorang.. i love doing this for some reasons. will capture some photos and post something later..and will tell u y..

..getting ready to say bubbye to 2009, and welcoming 2010. banyak yg berlaku. pahit manis. namun hidup perlu kita teruskan. terima kasih pada semalam yg banyak memberi pengajaran. no regret. no hard feelings.. uhm one more thing, pardon me for the heartbreak i hv caused, utk kata yg mencalar perasaan, utk tindakan luar batasan. angah ini manusia tak sempurna. khilaf sentiasa terjadi. sedangkan nabi ampunkan ummat.. :)

Gadoh 2009

have just finished watching Gadoh 2009 with apau and alang. it is a good story that tells u reality (facts that always hard for most of us to accept). nope. not to accept but facts that stimulate arguments. let it be positive or negative ones.

for me is simple. if u guys are commenting after the trailer, please don't. comments that valid come out from people who is willing to know the whole of the story (then only he talks). so watch. so u wont come out with stupid/narrow views. :D a bit harsh, am i not? ehhe. 

Selamat Tahun Baru | Salam Maal Hijrah

1431H | 1432H (updated on dec 6, 2010)

cedokan dari site ni :) -cedok saje
sini pun boleh jugak :)

Bacalah doa berikut sebanyak tiga kali pada akhir waktu Asar atau sebelum masuk waktu Maghrib pada hari terakhir bulan Zulhijah:

“Segala puji tertentu bagi Allah, Tuhan yang memelihara dan mentadbir sekalian alam. Selawat dan salam ke atas junjungan kami Nabi Muhammad dan keluarga baginda serta sahabatnya. Ya Allah, sesungguhnya pada tahun ini aku melakukan larangan-Mu tetapi aku belum bertaubat sedangkan Engkau tidak reda dan melupai perkara itu. Engkau menangguhkan azab-Mu yang ditetapkan kepadaku. Engkau memerintahkan supaya aku bertaubat. Sesungguhnya pada hari ini aku memohon keampunan daripada Engkau, ampunilah aku. Dan apa yang aku lakukan pada tahun ini yang Engkau redai dan Engkau janjikan pahala, maka aku memohonnya daripada Engkau, ya Allah ya Karim ya Zal Jalali Wal Ikram. Terimalah permohonanku ini dan janganlah Engkau hampakan harapanku terhadap-Mu ya Karim. Selawat dan salam ke atas junjungan kami Nabi Muhammad dan keluarga baginda juga sahabatnya. Segala puji tertentu bagi Allah, Tuhan yang memelihara dan mentadbir sekalian alam”.

Selepas doa di atas dibaca, berkatalah syaitan,

“Kesusahan bagiku dan sia-sialah pekerjaanku mengoda anak Adam pada setahun ini dan Allah binasakan aku satu saat jua. Dengan sebab membaca doa itu, Allah mengampunkannya setahun”.

Bacalah doa awal tahun ini sebanyak tiga kali selepas waktu Maghrib pada malam 1 Muharam:

“Segala puji tertentu bagi Allah, Tuhan yang memelihara dan mentadbir sekalian alam. Selawat dan salam ke atas junjungan kami Nabi Muhammad dan keluarga baginda dan sahabatnya. Ya Allah, Engkaulah yang kekal abadi untuk selama-lamanya. Demi kelebihan-Mu yang maha Agung dan kemurahan-Mu yang melimpah, sesungguhnya pada tahun baru ini aku memohon daripada Engkau perlindungan daripada syaitan yang direjam, pengikutnya, tenteranya dan penolongnya dan aku memohon perlindungan daripada nafsu amarah yang sentiasa mendorong ke arah kejahatan dan melalaikan aku dengan perkara yang tidak berfaedah daripada mendekatkan diri kepada Engkau. Selawat dan salam ke atas junjungan kami Nabi Muhammad dan ke atas keluarga baginda dan sahabatnya. Segala puji tertentu bagi Allah, Tuhan yang memelihara dan mentadbir sekalian alam”.

Selepas dibaca doa itu, syaitan berkata,

“Telah amanahlah anak Adam ini daripada godaanku pada tahun ini kerana Allah mewakilkan dua Malaikat memeliharanya daripada fitnah syaitan”. 

2012

Hi ;) ni just got back from midnite. Movie abes kul 2:15am. Sebenarnye now tgh sangat teruja nk recommend korang tengok 2012. maybe lambat sket baru angah gi tgk kan, but still, it is never too late..

Angah bawak adik² and 2 rakan gi layan 2012. all 8 of us. and I would like to recommend to sape² yg xpi lagi, cubela luangkn masa tgk..

bukan nk suruh percaya 100% ng ape yg dipersembahkan. Kita sebagai muslim sendiri wajib percaya kiamat. Beriman kpd hari kiamat. Dari kecik lagi dah kene hafal rukun iman, rukun islam mase skolah dulu. Tp setakat tu je ke?

Just go, gather ur family, enjoy this movie. Moga datang keinsafan. Just get the feeling. Sbb sebelum ni kita cuma dgr perihal kiamat dari ustaz/ustazah, dari quran, dan kita bayangkan mengikut imaginasi sendiri (mungkin dgn panduan).

2012, (bagi angah) peluang untuk kita visualize simulasi sedikit sebanyak situasi hari itu nnt, hasil bijak pandai karyawan filem barat. Tak perlu dinafikan, dorg ni buat filem bukan hanya berdasarkan ilham, tapi turut berusaha ‘mengkaji’ fakta. Sebab tu most of their films, kuat.

Kita dikurniakan akal. Ape yg patut percaya, kita percaya. Yang tak perlu kita percaya, nilailah sendiri. Yang penting banyak nilai kemanusiaan and kekeluargaan terselit dlm movie ni. Sbb tu rasenye, tak sia² angah bawak dorg tgk. Sekurangnye ade bimbingan org dewasa.n senang jugak nk bercerita pasal kiamat and amalan sbg persediaan tuk tempuh hari tu ng diorang nnt ;)

Untuk angah plak macam baru kene ketuk je kepala ni, banyak lalai ng nikmat dunia..

sekadar nk berkongsi; tak lame dulu angah penah tertarik dgn sticker kat cermin belakang sebuah kereta..

jangan kata pada solat, aku ada kerja.. katakan pada kerja, ini waktu solat

lebih kurang camtulah. sebagai permulaan, apa kata kita sama² cuba amalkan :)

Ok gtg, ehhe tak packing lg ni, gerak kul 11am sok and  kene bangun awal tuk balik teluk anta amer. Keje gile. Sok die ade paper seni tuk spm kul 8. angah doakan moga dimudahkan dia menjawab soalan.. aminnnn…

have a great weekend all.. lov u..

so long..

Dear friends,

Im taking myself to the north tomorrow. This is a journey I’ve been waiting for. Lame dah hasrat ni disampaikan pada kak siti. Only now that I got the chance. And what excites me the most is, im going to stay there sampai da takde ape nk buat lagi. Its going to be a long long long vacation. Nak hirup udara yg sangat² segar kat kampung orang. Macam da ter’imagine’ suasana pedalaman dalam citer wadi unung tu.

Some of u mgkin da tau that last Monday was my very last day with Cemerlang. I have an LO in my hands now from a publishing company kat puchong. Start keje on next Monday, Dec 7. 2-3 kali bace, the ink doesn’t seem like it is going to cooperate ;p I just cant see my signature on it (yet). ops nope, maybe I will not ever see it. made up my mine. That’s it.

Fokusku sekarang, utk rehat secukupnya. Jauh dari pencemaran. Segala macam pencemaran.

Dapat mesej dr kid awal pagi tadi;

..kak, pjalanan hidup ni terasa panjang, hakikatnya pendek je masa, sampai kita terlepas banyak benda kan?

Yup, takde yg salah atas ape yg kita rase. Sbb kita ni manusia, selagi nadi ni diberi peluang berdenyut, hargailah apa yg mungkin kita rasa. Manis ke, pahit ke, masam ke, tawar ke.. yang penting ada sesuatu yg kita dapat belajar kan?

There is a saying..

As every thread of gold is valuable, so is every moment of time..

Hmm.. rasenye blog ni, yahoo! Updates, twitter and a few other of my social networks takkn terupdate dalam masa terdekat ni. Yg biasa shout tu, just shout klu rindukan angah (ceh, perasaan!).. do call, text me.. I’ll be reachable. Phone bill pn da siap² bayar (takut kene bar plak kn).. I wish myself luck, may it be a fruitful one :) amiinnn..

Bye for now. Jmpe lagi :)