Saturday, January 9, 2010

on the 9th day of 2010..

**ehhe tatau nk letak title ape..

baca mingguan wanita tadi. a few interesting and useful articles had captured the attention. satu dr dr. tuah pasal 'amalan untuk memperoleh ketenangan' and another one dari suzana (maaf pgt, bukan suzanna tau ;) entitled 'berkawanlah dengan diari'

bukan bertujuan nak promosikan apa² atau siapa² tp, dua² artikel ni kebetulan datang selari dengan perjalanan hidup angah.

in short. utk ketenangan, amalkan al-ma'thurat. fahami segala maksud. kumpulan doa nabi saw. sape² yg nak al-ma'thurat for free.. do email me.. angah ade a few utk dihadiahkan.. :) insyaallah.. and harap boleh kita sama² beroleh ketenangan.

teringat pada my first diary. angah mula menulis diari sejak sekolah rendah lagi. diary tu angah tulis special untuk diri sendiri dgn perkataan dari abjad² yg dicipta sendiri. dengan harapan kalau jatuh diari tu ke tangan orang lain, orang tu takkan faham ape yg angah coretkan dalam tu. angah cuba hafal abjad² baru yg angah hasilkan sampailah angah dapat tulis dengan lancar skali dan dapat baca balik diari tu tanpa perlu rujuk pada notes yg angah buat awal² dulu.

sampailah kelalaian angah menjadi bencana pada diari tu. ntah macam mana mase tu angah balik kg, tinggalkan diari kat rumah. notes utk abjad² asing ciptaan angah tu lupa pulak angah pisahkan dr diari tu, maka along yang mase tu tak ikut balik, berjaya men'decode' coretan rahsia angah tu. malu dan marah, tuhan je yg tahu. terus angah ucapkan selamat tinggal pada diari tu. and lepas tu, lame jugak angah berhenti menulis.

ingt balik, sayang jugak kan, napelah angah bakar diari tu. klu tak sekarang da boleh ketawakan diri sendiri and selami balik cara angah lihat kehidupan dari sisi seorang angah yg berumur 11 tahun.

cuma yg angah dapat cari, diari angah ketika berumur 14 tahun. yup i had started having my 2nd diary in my 14. impressed :) and proud of having been myself.

there was this one boy once, asked me.. if i was given a chance, to what year or which part of life did i ever wish to go back to? i had never answer his question. but now only i have the answer, i dont wanna go back.. to any of them.. i had a wonderful life, wonderful people along the way.. i keep those in my heart and from them (life and people from the past) that i learn that there is so much i havent seen, havent been thru, havent met yet. and allah had it all planned for each of us. laughs and tears.

and the followings are taken from drafts from my desktop. the internet was very slow. so i decided to keep writing regardless the annoying connection. and this whole week mmg tak sempat langsung online. too busy with my new job.. :) i will post a few photos on my new job later ehhe..

December 26, 2009
7:00 p.m.

I have just finished watching Tsunami, caught on camera on History Channel. During the play, (uhmm was it a play? :) my mind couldn’t stop telling me how lucky I am to be alive. Not because of surviving the real tsunami (that had never knocked on my life), but to be on path of life that I am living now.

Tsunami did hit me –it hit my heart, and had caused severe damage. But no one could ever see it because, let it hurt only me. It hurts, only to watch people telling their experiences of losing loved ones, of seeing people they know could not survive the impact, of having to go through the transition of happiness to grief in less than a day time. So let nobody that I love knows about this. They don’t deserve the pain.

Praise be to God. Alhamdulillah. At least I was not put on a same situation, which I had to face the reality that I have lost someone I love for good. Not yet. At least I would someday got the chance to see or maybe just to hear her/him on the phone so we could have a civilised farewell :(  -already did in my dream.. :) ya allah, sampaikan..)

9:00 p.m.

Have just done with cooking for dinner. Only I, two brothers and mother left at home tonight, enjoying game between Chelsea and Birmingham City. 0-0 still.

Apit was helping me with the veggies earlier in the kitchen. While I was busy with the stove, suddenly he cried “Angah help! Get me some water!” I turned to him and ‘smile’. His fingers were caught on the surface of the icy part of the refrigerator. “This is no kidding, quick! Get some water!”

What had happened to Apit reminds me of my favourite childhood tv program ‘911’. There was this one episode covered up a true story of a young boy who got his tongue stuck on the ice when he was alone with his one little sibling at home. It was so fortunate of him for having his company to dial 911 for him. He survived, with trauma of course. What on earth could possibly have told him to do things like that? We have ice-cream to buy from the mart, haven’t we?

December 27, 2009
9:00 p.m.

Dark Knight is now showing on HBO. Its not like I am writing about the joker. Just to ‘cherish’ what is happening around for later ;)

Earlier this evening at 5.00, Tsunami caught on camera is shown again on 555. I know apau and ayah would love to watch this documentary as much as I do. so i watch again. now with them.

January 7, 2010
11:00 p.m.

Love’s Abiding Joy.

A daughter could possibly break her father’s heart easily. Without realizing that she could do that in many ways.. It is just that, a father is a man. Seeing a man’s tear drops bothers me.. a lot. One of few things in life I wish not to see. i pray to god, let me not be one of them.. amiinnn...

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